Smoking

So I decided last Monday morning that I was all done with ciggarettes and haven't smoked one since, no even so much as a drag. I know, I know, your probably all saying "NO FUCKING WAY" but guess what I shit you not!!! I am well into day 8 and I am so all set. Now if I can only get my wonderful husband to kick the pack, life would be great, no more smoke around the children (we don't smoke in the home but it still comes in on you no matter what) and I dont have to smell the stink on his clothes anymore!!!

Femal Vocab!!

The Vocabulary of Women


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.

(5) Loud Sigh: This isn’t actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint; just say you’re welcome. I want to add in a clause here: This is true unless she says ’Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ’you’re welcome’ in this case, for that will bring on a ’whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying *%! YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ’What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to 3.

Good Byes Suck

So I am full of more emotions than I know what to do with right now. My Baby brother and I have said our good byes, he is leaving for FL at the crack ass of dawn tomorrow to go to film school. I am so happy for him, it takes a lot of guts to do what he is doing, to just pack up and leave behind everything and everyone he knows. He definitely has more balls than I do. I know he will do well, he is destined for bigger and better things than FR has to offer him. I am so proud of him, I have always known he would grow up to be a good man, a strong man. But it is still so difficult as his big sister to watch him spread his wings and leave the nest. Growing up we were very close and have only gotten closer as we have gotten older, he's not just my baby brother he is one of my nearest and dearest, one of the few true. I still haven't completely stopped crying and he left here hours ago, it is still coming in spurts. I wish him nothing but the best, I hope he finds everything he is looking for in this life and experiences it to the fullest. I hope he knows how much I love him. ::Tears flowing again:: I feel so badly for my mother right now, I know she is happy and Oh so proud but I can also imagine how she feels, knowing how I feel as his sister, and being a mother myself I am dreading/anticipating the day I watch my babies fly. I know as he gets settled and we here from him, and he is enjoying himself and doing well with his classes it will get easier to be happy for him and harder to be sad for ourselves when he is happy. I think Friday will be a better day, knowing he has spent his first night and gotten settled, I think I will be a little happier. I am a little nervous about his trip and stuff. I dunno we'll see how it goes.

Lump Conclusion

So I did end up meeting with the Breast Surgeon and am happy to report that the lump I found is nothing to be concerned obout I actually have some others that she found. They are all normal. Actually what I was told is that they can be caused by wearing underwire, so to all you bigger chested ladies out there apparently wearing it regularly can cause scar tissue at the pressure point, so save em for special occasions and that cute top that just can be worn without it.

Sexual Crimes

So I am sitting here watching my daily fix of Law and Order: SVU and I just have to say............................I don't fucking get it. Honestly how do you get that desperate as to take andvantage of a man/woman and children......don't even fucking get me started on that! I myself am a sexual crime victim, and was a child at the time. Yes he served jail time but I would not say that justice was served, he served just over a year for a crime that took away my childhood, because of it I was forced to become a woman before my time, I acted out both sexually and violently, which is something I am not proud of and do take responsibility for my actions but I do honestly believe that my actions were caused by his actions, what else did I have to be angry about? why else would I be violent? or have sex before I should have even known what to do?

The thing that gets me about it is most of the offenders out there are portrayed as past victims who know nothing else. How do you not know anything else? I mean I know how royally fucked up I was and still am by it, I live with the memories everyday. Sure it has gotten easier as time has gone by but I still have flash backs at anygiven time it can be set off by anything, sight, sound, smell, taste. There are so many things that remind me of him and sometimes when it's triggered I have a moment of sadness and go on with my day, other times it's like I am there again, I can see him, feel him, smell him I always come out of these fits sitting on the floor shaking and sweating. It is the most Horrible feeling EVER!! My whole day is ruined, he consumes my mind, sometimes I feel like it affects my relationships with others because I snap easily and am sad for hours, My children deserve a happy mother and I feel so guilty that I can't always give it to them. It breaks my heart to be angry with them or yell at them for stupid little things that really don't deserve more than a firm NO! I feel awful for yelling obviously I am not going to hurt one of my children. As fucked up as the situation has made me, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER harm one of my children or any other human being in any form especially not sexually. Why would I want to inflict the pain I have been dealing with since I was 7, on any other human being?? Statistics show that people in my shoes are more likely to inflict pain on myself than anyone else. So how do people get away with that defense?


Oh lets see, I am a sick fuck and messed up big time so lets invent a story about being a rape victim or a molestation victim so people think I didnt know better?

I mean c'mon, I'm not fucking buying it, and don't understand how others do!!

And that is my rant for the evening!

Snow Day

Ok so the snow came lol. As if you didn't know lol but anywho school called and said school was cancelled so I didnt even have to listen to the radio, As far as CC oh man do I have a story, I left here @ 10:30, the plan was to go see grandpa Sousa for a few, stop at Save Alot for milk and bread and come home to wait for CC who was coming at normal time, Got to grandpa's before the snow, visited about a half hour before it started, as soon as it started Mady and I said our goodbyes and went to Save Alot quick, literally was in and out of the store in no more than 10 minutes, came out and eveything was covered, but whatever I'm a New Englander, nothing I haven't seen before right? well I wish I never left the damn house, it was total mayham the second I left the lot, I couldn't get back up griffin st, slid down sideways so said ok no big deal I'll go up the street on the otherside of the lot, the hill isn't as steep...That went well, made it up no problem. This is around 11:30, CC comes at 12:52, plenty of time right? well I sat on broadway for about 20 min and only moved about 3 blocks, so I turn up Osbourne st and go to Southmain, hopefully it will be better........NOT!!! it took me till 1:23 to get to the fire station on NorthMain.........So now I am freaking out all the way that I am going to miss the bus, I pull up to the fire station and Michael (Michael's dad) was standing there, I jump out and say "you have no idea how happy I am to see you right now" He said the feeling is mutual, he had no idea if the bus was cancelled and I went to get her or something like that because I wasn't there, he said "I even went and rang you bell and when I got no answer and didn't see your mother's(I guess he thought Sandy was my mom) truck I got scared" so he went home and called the school, They said the students got on the bus at 5 of 1 and they were going to take it easy, so we waited at the corner till 2:05 when the bus finally cam, the bus driver apologized up and down but I was like hey man I'd rather you be late than have an accident with my child on board. So that's my snow day story. lol

Perfection!

Perfect Man, Perfect Woman There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who lived?






















The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

Lump Part 2

So I had my ultrasound today. It went went, as far as they can see evrything is normal but it will be analyzed and refered back to my doctor to be discussed with me, so I am feeling pretty good about all of it now. Lets just hope after futher analyzing it still all looks normal! That is all for tonight.

G'nite

Lump

Ok so the appoinment went well I guess. The Doctor did feel the lump I feel but she doesn't believe it is something to worry about, but given the history of cancer and such in my familia she has ordered an ultrasound and I will be referred to a Breast surgeon for a second opinion. But I feel at ease that she doesn't seem worried about it. I still have that thought in the back of my head but that is where it shall stay until I have more answers. I will keep updating!

It's been a while.

So I noticed it has been quite some time since I posted, so here I am!!October wasn't overly eventful but I got a few updates. First and foremost October 25 was the night of my hair show. It was a big success. All the girls did such a great job, there were deffinately some creative ideas! I dressed my model in a sexy lil bumble bee costume and formed her hair into a giant hive (pics in my myspace) it came out very cute! I won third place! YAY! October 25 is also my husbands birthday, he turned 22 this year. I bought him a Tattoo Machine. He loves it, and he's pretty effing good at it considering he recently started. I have 3 from him already. Anybody want one? $10 - $20 depending if he needs to use one needle or two. your just paying for supply, the art is free!

November 1st sucked, I found a lump in my breast, I am going for a breats exam and sonogram today at 4:00. Hopefully it is nothing but it is still scary none the less. I will update on this issue as soon as I have information to give.


Don't forget to comment!

Bad Day

So this morning I watched Good Luck Chuck and then I mysteriously turned into her! Her brother called her Murphy as in Murphy's Law "Whatever can go wrong, Will" well today I am Murphy. First Mady got a bloody nose from a pallet I was pulling into the back yard, now granted she walked into it but I still feel guilty because I was pulling it. Then I go to run some er ands and I get a flat tire, now I have seen plenty of people change tires but I have never done so myself so I called my dad for help, then I locked up and went into the store to pay the bill that I went there to pay, when I came out I just sat in the passenger side because my drivers side door doesn't unlock from the outside, so that is the one I have to unlock anyway and since I can't go anywhere I sit down and have a cigarette then my dad pulls up so I get out and shut the door leaving my phone and purse and KEYS inside, not realizing that all the doors are locked, but I didn't close it all the way, just enough that the lock caught but open enough that I can put a hanger in, so I walk across the lot to the laundry mat and get a wire hanger, while I did that my uncle pulled up, so my dad held the door open while Uncle Beefa, yes Uncle Beefa, pulled my keys out of my purse and out of the door with the hanger, I only hope that the rest of my night gets better, the one thing in my favor right now is we normally don't take client's at school on Monday's because it is our "Free Night" to do things for each other. so I wont be fucking up any body's head tonight lol





That is my story of the day!

On the up side, I am still loving school, We are almost out of debt completely and My family is happy and Healthy so I guess I don't have it that bad.

RIP My Friends

So many young people have passed away recently and it certainly is scary! Who's next me? you? I just can't handle one more death between Tritin, Marky, now Matt........not to mention all the other young people whom I have heard about but don't know. It's just so sad. What is wrong with the world today? Why are so many young people, who haven't even begun to experience life to the fullest, just being ripped out from under us? I am just so sad about all of this, I just don't know what to do, or how to feel.

Just here

Do you ever feel like you are just here? Nobody apreciates you, nobody loves you, nobody wants you. Your just here to do a job...to be a mom & a wife. To keep up with household responsibility, to keep up with the children and their health, Christ to wipe your husbands ass. I feel like I have lost myself sometimes like I am not Kira I am "Wife & Mother" I want to be wife and mother but I want to be Kira too! How do I get that? How can I be the best wife and mother I can be without loosing sight of who I am and what I want? My wishes, My needs, My hopes and dreams!!

On the bright note Caidynce goes back to school next weeks so my day to day schedule will be a little easier!

Boring Day

Oh man today was so boring that I just needed to come and complain about it lol. Fuck! Josh worked both jobs and I sat and entertained the kiddies all day even they got bored with me and they ditched me! haha ditched by my own the wouldn't let me play anymore lol

Oh Happy Day...

So I no longer a basics student, tonight was my last night with Ms. Wendy, and although I will miss her I am uber excited to continue learning new things. Tomorrow will be like Christmas for me, I get my second kit of goodies including a rolling suitcase to hold everything, flat iron, blow dryer, curling iron, new brushes, new heads and lots of other fun stuff.

As for the home life, it's going ok. Stressful at times, seems like the girls are always acting up at the same time, never one misbehaving and the other being good. But they are both getting so big! Madyson is talking so much these days, putting lots of sentences together, and she knows what she is talking about. Caidynce......well she's Caidynce! Smart mouthed, quick witted, and oh so smart! And ofcourse a cutie like moma lol!

Tomorrow is the last night of the fucked up schedule Josh and I have going on, He is taking a weeks Vaca and going back to his Job at Moses Brown School as Executive Chef so his hours will once again coincide with my school and work schedule and we will have a sense of normalcy again! Summer Vacation Sux!!!

That is my scoop for today!

My First Blog!

So I have never really been into doing things like this but lately I have been reading lots of people's blogs so I guess it is only fair that I put a little something out there for you to read. I don't have much to say at this point but I am sure with time I will settle right in. I am Kira a 22 year old mother/student/bartender. I am from Massachusetts, Born and raised. I have 2 beautiful daughters, Caidynce who is 4 and about to start her second year of preschool and Madyson who is 2 and is hitting the terrible twos big time, school can't come fast enough lol. I have a wonderful Husband Josh who I simply adore, I could not ask for more in a husband. I attend Rob Roy Academy and I am studying Cosmetology, I love it! On weekends I bartend weddings and other functions at the Abby Grill. I enjoy tending bar and it's a great source of extra cash but my passion is hair. I am so excited to begin the next chapter in my life and establish myself as a successful stylist, I have waited so long, or atleast what feels like so long, to go back to school and further myself as a person. I have led quite a rocky life until this point, from parents divorcing when I was little to being sexually molested at age 7 to being bounced around juvenile homes because I was a rebellious teenager who needed help, Things are finally falling into place for my family and myself and I have a bright outlook for our future success. I plan to update on this regurally and I may even post a joke from time to time.